The Incontiguous Brick

August 1, 2007

If pandas can do it, so can I!

Filed under: China,Humor,Our World — iknowkeith @ 7:53 am

If there was ever any doubt that Chinese entrepreneurs were innovative…

A Chinese company has created a brilliant plan to capitalize on the two great resources China has to offer in the next year. The 2008 Beijing Olympics and pandas. Actually, panda poop!

Panda’s have a very high fiber diet based predominantly on bamboo. This in turn produces a fiber-rich excrement that is ideal for creating a variety of paper products.

Seriously, we can’t make this [panda] crap up.

pandpoo.jpgfrom MSNBC:

    BEIJING – Nothing says “I love you” like a photo frame made from panda poop.

    The Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base has come up with a dung-for-profit scheme that turns droppings from the endangered species into odor-free souvenirs ranging from bookmarks to Olympic-themed statues of the animals, state media and base officials said Monday.

    The products will be made at a local handicraft company mostly from undigested bamboo culled from the panda waste through a special process.

    An official who answered the phone at the Chengdu facility said the dung is “carefully selected, smashed, dried and sterilized at 300 degrees Celsius (572 degrees Fahrenheit).” He refused to give his name but said the products will be of all colors because they will be dyed.

    They don’t smell too bad because 70 percent of the dung is just remains of the bamboo that the pandas are unable to digest,” Jing said.

The products include: bookmarks, notebooks, statues of the giant panda, picture frames, fans and paper with logs and paintings of the giant panda.

If pandas can do it, so can I!

poopbrick.jpgThe Incontiguous Brick will immediately support an ultra-high fiber diet for myself. This new diet of oatmeal, bran cereal, avocados, broccoli, bamboo shoots, and raw burlap should produce some grade A “panda-like” poop. In addition to creating a fiber-rich output, there is likely to be significant waist reduction overall.

I may be forced to suspend all writing efforts to spend my time hand-fashioning my “other” production into earth-friendly souvenir bricks. The poop-bricks will each come on a small display stand and have the name of the producer inscribed on the side. To avoid potentially offensive odors, it is recommended that multiple “bricks” are purchased to fill every room in the home with the same aroma. The uniformity will produce and effect not unlike the smells of a diary farm, after awhile it will be unnoticeable.

Judging by the previous posts on the Incontiguous Brick, it is this editor’s opinion that only the best poop will be selected for sculpting and subsequent sale.

2 Comments »

  1. ew

    Comment by Poem — August 1, 2007 @ 12:04 pm | Reply

  2. […] Brick that the following article might be a load of steaming crap. This is not the good kind of panda crap that can be molded into cute trinkets and sold to stupid tourists. This is the kind of steaming, […]

    Pingback by Conan the Barbrian saves the world « The Incontiguous Brick — August 8, 2007 @ 2:17 pm | Reply


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