The Incontiguous Brick

June 12, 2007

What if Wal-Mart had an Army?

Filed under: Conspiracy,Ramblings — iknowkeith @ 10:06 pm

Wal-Mart’s incredible profits have been compared to the GDP of entire countries.  A 2000 estimate places Wal-Mart 25th among the world’s nations with $166 Billion in sales.  2006 sales were $312 Billion and places Wal-Mart in 27th place. Not bad for a department store.

What if they translated a reasonable percent of their profit into military spending?

    If Wal-Mart spends only 3% of total sales or as much as Israel spends($8.7 Billion) it would have:
    168,000 active troops
    3700 Main Battle Tanks
    400 combat aircraft
    130 helicopters
    5400 artillery

walmart soldier patrols among local populationwalmart tank rolls back the enemy

Wal-Mart might want a strong navy to protect their container ships and perhaps use a little “gunboat diplomacy” to open some new factories.

Then it might want to step it up to a $13 Billion budget to gain a respectable navy modeled after Brazil’s Navy. This is still only 4 percent of Wal-Mart’s total sales in 2006.

    The Corporate Naval Forces of Wal-Mart (CNFW) would include:
    48,000 sailors
    1 aircraft carrier
    6 submarines
    11 Frigates
    6 mine sweepers
    5 corvettes
    3 amphibious landing ships
    and a sizable assortment of smaller patrol boats and auxiliary vessels.

Of course, Wal-Mart would have a great military retirement plan. Upon completion of a full career in the Walmart Corporate Armed Forces each retiree is guaranteed a position as a greeter in one of over 6200 stores worldwide.

Recruiting for the Wal-Mart Armed Forces would be easy if they use their pool of 1.6 million employees. Based on some of my own shopping experiences, I can’t think it would be difficult to find plenty of disgruntled store employees who would jump at the chance to shoot someone.



  1. hah, you are too funny =)

    Comment by Poem — June 13, 2007 @ 8:24 am | Reply

  2. I especially like the ‘roll back the enemy’ 🙂

    Comment by kemendraugh — June 13, 2007 @ 4:08 pm | Reply

  3. I liked the smiley-faces… nothing better than blasting the bad guys with a smile.

    Didn’t the British East India Company do this? Of course in the anarchic world of mercantile colonial powers it probably made good business sense to protect their own bottom line – since there was no other reliable guarantor. Wal-Mart, like other businesses (and nations) nowadays, is a “free-rider”…

    Comment by Bill — June 14, 2007 @ 9:55 pm | Reply

  4. […] this global shipping thing going for real. I hate having weeks for stuff to cross the big oceans. Wal*Mart shoppers will soon be able to get cheap lead-based junk even […]

    Pingback by Lets take back the [new] seas America! « The Incontiguous Brick — September 17, 2007 @ 10:15 pm | Reply

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